I seemed to have neglected this blog for a long time, and its not like I haven’t learned anything from God recently. I’ve been watching too many U-tube videos instead of doing important things. Time to repent!

In the book of Romans chapter 7:19: “For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want.”

I often wondered about this, because I find that while I know things in my head, like how to think about things, and what is sin in my life, my flesh seems to get in the way. Paul again in Romans chapter 7: expresses his own frustration: “Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death?”

I find that in my current trials, with health, anger and frustration, I KNOW that it is not God’s fault, and he is good, but I still wrestle with anger toward Him. Why would he bring to this place, just to tie me down with health problems, family issues, and the inability to do anything?

Fact is, God doesn’t need me. He really doesn’t, and his point is to get me into heaven and his plan has that as a central focus. So I could learn all these cool things, and then die before getting them out, and God would still be glorified. Since He put a love of his ministry of reconciliation in my heart, and a love of His Church, I desire very much to work in these areas for him. My heart is for the much maligned Church and its ministry to the world. I want to do all these things, but instead, I am in my bedroom unable to breath well enough to even go to church. In my head, I know that it doesn’t matter if I die soon, but the rest of me is very frustrated. I finally have time to do stuff, and I can’t.

From Luke 19:40 it says “But Jesus answered, “I tell you, if these become silent, the stones will cry out!”. In other words, he really doesn’t need us. Its sort of like a guy who owns a small business and wants to hire his children to help him run the place. Maybe one of his kids can’t work. Does that mean he loves that kid any less? Does he need that kid to be working for him? He can easily hire another kid to come in and do the work. Its is the same with us, he wants us working for him, but if we can’t, its ok and he can get someone else.

My problem is that I want to work, but I can’t, and I have to live with that. What is important is my faith in God and my salvation! AND, oh yea, I can still write!

Forgive me Lord Jesus!